Kill Your Little Darlings
by Jacalyn Hyde
Summary: Rodolphus POV. Why the Lestranges never had children explained here in an angsty one-shot. WARNING: contains abortion. Not very explicit but it's still a controversial theme... Dark by my standards but please decide for yourself. All feedback is welcome.


(A/N: WARNING- contains abortion. Also, this is not my usual version of Rodolphus. Bellatrix is about the same but SLIGHTLY more sentimental and a little fragile. The title is a bit of advice to myself but could have more than one meaning... Enjoy if possible.)

If Bellatrix ever wanted to have children, she never gave me any indication of it. Still, we were purebloods, it wasn't about what we wanted or didn't want, it was our duty to reproduce and heal our dying bloodlines. I believed that anyway, she didn't seem to.

The two of us had never loved and never hated each other. But we'd been friends during our school years so we didn't entirely resent our parents decision to force us into marriage. We got along pretty well too except for our arguments and competitions. But we worked great together especially on our Death Eater missions.

Recently, I'd realized I _cared_ about her at least. But I had no idea if she returned my feelings. Actually, I was fairly certain she only cared about herself. But regardless of either of our feelings, we were expected to start a family and I _wanted_ one as well. She didn't seem to care though, she said we were serving our purpose in the service of the Dark Lord and someday, _maybe_ we'd have a family, but only after the war was won.

That didn't stop me from trying though. I'd mention the idea anytime we went into one of our guest rooms that was the prefect size for a nursery, anytime we saw our newborn nephew Draco, and after every time we had sex. But she always found some way to change the subject or turn it into a fight. For some reason she seemed happier when we were fighting.

Because of all that, I was completely shocked when I found Bellatrix in our bedroom one morning in late October. She was curled up on our bed, hugging a pillow and gazing up at me through tear filled eyes.

"Rodolphus," She said weakly. "I'm pregnant."

"Bella, that's wonderful!" I exclaimed, sitting down on the bed next to her. Yes, I really was starting to love her. And this was everything I wanted.

"No, it's not," she corrected, tossing her pillow aside and throwing her arms around me instead. I returned the embrace and tried to communicate my awkward confusion.

"Why not?" I asked. I'd assumed she'd been crying tears of joy, but now she seemed more saddened or afraid. Was something wrong with her? With the baby?

She gave a soft, choking sob. "We can't keep it."

"Why not?" I repeated my question, this time in protest. After all, the child was just as much mine as it was hers. Shouldn't I have some say in the matter?

"_Because_," She snapped suddenly and pulled away from me. Her heartbreaking tone was instantly replaced with a dark, patronizing one. "The Dark Lord needs me. I'm more loyal and useful to Him than anyone else. More than you. More than Lucius. _Anyone_. So how would it look... how would I be punished if I were to abandon him now for... for _what?_ _Motherhood_?"

"He'll understand, Bella," I tried, though I knew she wouldn't listen to reason at that point. As soon as she found some way to bring _Him_ into an argument, she always won.

"No," she pouted childishly.

"I hate it when you do this," I told her. "Just _talk_ to me."

"I don't want it. I don't want to take care of some little brat even if it is a pureblood. I've been told all my life that childbearing is all I'm good for. I worked so hard to rise above that and I'm not about to let you or this _parasite_ take it away from me."

"It's not like you'd have to do it alone."

"I don't have to do it at all. I was just about to kill the thing when you came in."

"Then why were you crying?" I demanded harshly. I hated resorting to coldness but it seemed like the only way to make her listen.

She gasped, shook her head and then just stared at me. "I hate you."

She always said she hated me when I reminded her that she didn't control me or when I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. So, I just stared back and waited for her to say something less predictable.

"I want _you_ to get rid of it."

"What?" I didn't think anything she said could shock me, but that managed to.

"I tried... _please_!" She knew I wouldn't judge her for her weakness, she knew I cared and she wouldn't ask this of anyone else because of that.

"Bella, you're asking me to kill my own child... _no_... let's get someone else to do it."

"You want me to get someone else?" She somehow managed to twist my words so it sounded like I didn't care, like I was abandoning her.

"No... We don't have to do this."

"Yes, we do. Someday, Rod, but not now. We can't have this thing now."

"Stop calling the baby a thing, a parasite," I order. "It's a child. _Our_ child, Bella."

"Does thinking of it as a living thing make it easier for you to destroy?" Bellatrix demands, looking halfway between laughing and crying. I glare at her. _Merlin, how can she be so heartless? _"Please, just do this. _Now_, before you manage to change my mind."

"Fine," I pushed her back against the pillows and proceeded to kiss her, slowly and emotionally. I waited for her to start kissing back, then intensified that contact. When I had her thoroughly distracted, I drew my wand. Trying not to think about it, I held it over her womb and cast the weakest non-verbal killing curse possible, the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

Bellatrix gasped and jumped forward suddenly, pressing herself against me.

"It's okay, it's okay," I murmured repeatedly, very conscious of her pain and trying to be helpful. "I should have told you before..." I finally thought of the perfect thing to say. "... I think I love you, Bella."

She was actually crying then and mumbled something so weak I had to ask her to repeat it. "_Someday_."

"Yes," I agreed. "Someday we will have a family. We'll have everything."

I pulled her even closer and she wrapped her arms around me too. I held her like that for an hour or so, losing track of time and trying to ignore the blood staining her blue robes and our white sheets.

I shed a few tears too but easily calmed down. After all, we were only in our early thirties and we'd only have to wait until the end of the war. How long could that take? The Dark Lord was planning to kill the Potter boy later that night. After that, we'd just assassinate a few more traitors and then the world would be ours...

(A/N: It's okay if you hate it. I'm happy if you liked it. But either way, please let me know. -Lia.)


End file.
